27 February 2012
Dear World, I was under the impression that everyone, man or woman, was supposed to have standards, preferences, and you know, never settle for anything less than butterflies, and all that. Aren’t preferences part of what makes finding “the one” so special? Without them, we could make just about anyone “the one.” So please stop judging me and telling me I’m too damn picky!
Dear Patty Grandidge, you’re cute and sweet and you make really yummy cupcakes. But could you please stop being such a monotonous speaker? I would have loved your show Etcetera but your voice over is getting on my nerves so much more than our neighbor who wouldn’t stop talking. So sorry, I had to change the channel.
Dear My First Ever Purple Havaianas, I remember spending my first tWS honorarium on you almost three years ago. We’ve been through so much together, from hiking second floor of Guy Hall almost every day to running from stray dogs in Piapi to killing a poor cockroach one night last last month. And now you gave up on me. And I’m not sure I’m ready to do the same just yet. So off we go to Mr. Quickie tomorrow, k?
Dear Lola, I still miss you. Mom and I make the situation lighter by remembering only your good days when you were still so strong and full of life. But seeing your now empty bed every day just makes me remember how much pain you’ve had to endure during your last days. I still can’t help but cry sometimes and I’m sorry for that.
Dear Little Sister, I got your HP mini already! So proud to say it’s the first major big thing I’ve purchased since April last year. I’m sure you deserve it. Salutatorian is good enough.
Dear Smart Bro, YOU SUCK.
Dear Toy Story 3, 15th time I’ve watched you as of today and you’re still good with the tugging of my heartstrings and making me remember my Mrs. Buzz Lightyear phase and having me cry like a baby thing. Wow, you’re good.
Dear Haley Reinhart, I’m so thrilled for your first album out next month! I’m having mixed emotions here. Part of me really wants you to be famous and win a Grammy by next year. But part of me is also being selfish and wishes that you end up with the same fate as Kris Allen. That way, I’d be the only one in the world who would actually know the lyrics to all your songs. But of course I’m just kidding about you. I want everyone to know how awesome you are! And kidding about Kris Allen also because hey, he’s famous in his own way, world! End of discussion.
Dear Milk Magic Powdered Milk Melon Flavor, you are the best thing ever invented since extension cords. Please don’t be more expensive for the rest of my life.
Dear Love, so yeah. How have you been? And Why oh why are you so darn selfish to me?
